What I Now Know I Didn’t Know

What i know now

I would say that I didn’t enter into the whole kid thing lightly. My husband and I had been together for years, married a few, and planned the pregnancy to coincide with my summer vacation. Prior to adulthood I babysat a TON and during my pregnancy I read a million books and researched products. I knew I would love the little bugger, I heard all the cliches about how much. I knew it would be hard. I knew I’d be tired, all that stuff, but you know, there are quite a lot of things that you don’t really know. Here is a sampling from my own life (it is by all means, NOT exhaustive):

  1. First things first, I didn’t know this existed and that I would one day know all of the words and the moves (the real magic starts around 1:40): 
  2. I did not know that I would have (on more than one occassion) serious converations with my husband about another human’s poop situation.
  3. I did not know what these words meant: Minecraft, Plants vs. Zombies, and Paw Patrol.
  4. That I would feel awkward, insecure, and judged around other moms sometimes.
  5. I didn’t know that I would develop a serious fear of my children choking to death.
  6. And yet, that I would be so laissez-faire when it came to letting them play, climb, and run away from me.
  7. That I would grow to dread trips to the grocery store.
  8. I didn’t know that I could love another person with every ounce of my being and also be so annoyed with them that I can’t even stand to be in the same room with them – all at the same time.
  9. That I could love two children exactly the same – and with an excruciating amount of love.
  10. That I would literally find wrappers EVERYWHERE in my life: car, couch, bed, purse, under the rug…
  11. I didn’t know that they wouldn’t love all the same things I love. I forgot to remember that they would be their own human beings with their own opinions and preferences.
  12. That I would lay awake in bed worrying that a stray cough could be the onset of the plague.
  13. I didn’t know the agonizing pain I’d feel when one of my kids is hurt (physically or emotionally).
  14. I didn’t know that it would be hard to maintain some friendships with my childless friends.
  15. I didn’t know that there are adults, who, not only play Minecraft, but also make videos of themselves doing it:
  16. I didn’t know how fun it would be to buy clothes for kids – they’re tiny, they’re adorable, and they are cheaper than my own!
  17. I didn’t REALLY know how much boys fart, touch themselves, and make butt jokes.
  18. I didn’t realize it would change my relationship with my dog. I still loved him, but it was different now that there were real humans to love.
  19. I didn’t realize that I would see so many different sides of my husband (and most of them I like)
  20. I didn’t realize how insecure I’d feel parenting in public and how confident I’d become by the time I got to kid #2.
  21. I didn’t know how convenient it would be to have an excuse to go to playgrounds, splash pads, pools, and kids’ movies.
  22. I didn’t realize that kids toys can be so. damn. expensive.
  23. I didn’t know how cool it would be when they got old enough for lunch dates. I didn’t know that I would be able to sit with a 7-year-old and have a real, meaningful conversation.
  24. I did not know that grown adults made videos such as this (and that my 3 year old would watch them): <
    I didn’t realize how many theme songs my brain could hold.
  25. I didn’t realize how crappy kid cartoons are these days.
  26. I didn’t remember how much I LOVE children’s books and what happy memories would flood my thoughts everytime we opened Where the Wild Things Are, The Giving Tree, or Bernstein Bears.
  27. I didn’t realize that the milestones and experiences that my kids go through would trigger fond memories from my own childhood.
  28. I didn’t really appreciate my parents until I was one myself.
  29. I knew kids/babies were expensive, but I didn’t realize how many meals and treats I’d pay for that would be only nibbled, left completely untouched, or end up on the floor.
  30. I didn’t realize how completely all consuming they would be around 2-3, when they begin getting into EVERYTHING.
  31. I knew there would be hard bits, I didn’t know that almost everything would be hard: sleep schedules, potty training, chore charts, and family dinners.
  32. I didn’t realize how hard it would be to bite my tongue when a tv show asks, “Where is the paddle?” and your kid is genuinely looking around and trying to find the dumb paddle. (psst! it’s behind the bush!)
  33. I didn’t realize that simple things like an m&m, a glass of chocolate milk, or a single gummy worm are enough to bribe your children to do almost anything.
  34. I didn’t realize that these kids would look up to me, I mean, really look up to me. They’d miss me while I was in the shower and run to me at the end of a work day. I knew they’d love me, but I didn’t really fathom how important I would be in these little people’s lives.
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